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Baby washer!

Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:15 am
by Boraxus
Poopy Baby! no problem, simply remove diaper, throw it away (diaper, not the baby) and slip child into the baby washer!

Tooling type (fish net stocking type?) net closes over the child, wrapping around up to the neck. The container closes up to the same position so that the child can breathe, and a middle section begins to spin, leaving the child bound, secure, and immobile, while jets of perfectly temperatured water/soap solution spray from all angles for about a minute or so (gyroscope style). Then rinse cycle, then the jets blow warm air. All fecal/human matter is drained at the base, and jetted into either the toilet or down the drain of the tub. It even plays music to hide the sound of the process, and has a built in distraction center that baby can watch TV(maybe an LCD screen? Ahhh the TRUE babysitter is revealed)!

After blown dry, it blows a dust of baby powder over all, then blows off while the vacuume kicks in and removes the excess powder.

Remove giggling child, and place in a new diaper!

Afterwards turn device to “clean” and let it go through a more vigorous cycle of self cleaning. (warnings and safety locks kick in for this setting so dumb parents don’t harm their children!)

Never even have to get your hands dirty!

Reward: at least one of these machines, and recognition of my name stamped on the bottom of each one! (yes it can be in small unpainted writing)