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By MissPlayful
Tired of raucously fighting and mating cats waking you up at two am in the morning?

How about this dastardly scheme to keep cats in their homes at night - I am sure all cat owners will appreciate this one! I need someone to invent a mechanism whereby, when a cat triggers a tripwire, about half a bucket of harmless to cats but very indelible red dye tips onto the cat. Dripping with red dye, it wanders off home, in through the cat door, and walks all over the owner’s carpets leaving a trail of indelible red footprints, and as an added bonus, curls up on the owner’s best bedspread. If many people in suburbia set these cat-dyeing devices out at night in their back yards, I’m sure most cat owners would soon decide to keep their cats indoors at night.

And now, with my white lab coat on and chuckling manically to myself, it’s back to my master plan to seize the night back from those fiendish felines and take control of the universe!
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By Michael D. Grissom
This sounds so much like the TV cartoon comedy Pinky and The Brain (my all-time favorite series)!

I suggest substituting a very slow acting biogenetically engineered, horribly disfiguring, human lethal disease for the red dye (if the dye doesn't succeed).

Then sell the antidote upon proof that the offending animal is dead.

You'll make $$$MILLIONS$$$

I'm thinking this because my neighborhood dogs bark incessantly ALL NIGHT LONG -- rarely more than a few seconds between long barking solos. GRRRRRR!!!!
By midoh
I think one method might make use of cats' ability to hear mouse squeaks! A 'mouse squeak generator' could be placed over a suitable trapdoor arrangement.The cats go for the virtual electronic mouse and end up in the sin-bin.Neat eh?
By MissPlayful
Dear readers, can I draw your attention to the great idea by Maxokist called Robotic Visual Object Recognition. Maxokist proposes (posted Fri Apr 02, 2004 10:21 am):

“I would like to see a small robot with wheels that had a camera. The camera would come accompanied by object recognition software. It would have some sort of small weapon that could kill various kinds of insects. You could program in ants or cockroaches and the machine would roll around the house or hunting down the insects for you automatically.”

It is only a small step to a robotic dog, and how valuable would that be in the back yard! We could program them to chase away cats and burglars, and if necessary we could lure the cats into close proximity to our hidden dog robot using Midoh’s squeaker! And we might even solve Michael’s problem - if you surreptitiously made a hole in the fence then your robotic dog (armed with padded feet so it leaves no tracks and with long and razor sharp steel teeth - for intimidatory purposes only I hasten to add) could pay a friendly little visit to your neighbor’s incessantly barking dog, do whatever it takes to persuade it to stop barking, and return, perhaps even robotically closing the hole in the fence behind it.

One final point. We would need to excercise a bit of caution here. We would want to be very confident our robotic dogs could recognise friend from foe! Particularly if armed with those dagger pointed steel teeth. If it ever got loose out on the street and went berzerk, there could be hell to pay!
Hey, hey, hey now! Punishing the animal for the owner's sins is not OK. A device that will saturate the critter's coat with Limburger cheese would be more to the point. Does the cat no harm although it won't like getting its fur all icky which may discourage it from coming around your turf. With any luck, when the cat flees home, it will rub the stuff everywhere it goes, giving the thoughtless owner a strong incentive to keep it home instead of letting it wander around, trespassing and annoying other folks. Indelible dye will get you charged with animal cruelty, and sued for property damage, at least in the lawsuit-happy US of A.
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